Working Out is the Devil

Posted: April 5, 2017 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

This is basically me. I think I would rather be doing anything else than working out. And I mean ANYTHING else. Actually, ripping out my toenails seems more appealing to me than working out.

Before I got married, I was working out 5 days a week for like an hour and a half to two hours each day. I hated every minute of it but I didn’t want to be a giant cow for my wedding. Everyone said that I would get to a point where I LOVED working out and would gladly go because of the endorphins or some shit. LIES! They all lied to me.

In 2 and a half years of working out consistently, that great feeling never happened to me. Granted, I was thinner and felt better generally when I did work out consistently but no, there was no euphoric experience where the heavens opened up and the Gods spoke their truths to me. Working out is not better than sex. Maybe this happens for other people – Teresa, I’m looking in your direction. This never happened to me.

There’s also the sweat factor. I hate sweating. Part of that is because I don’t actually sweat. I get clammy and disgusting until my skin is just a soggy pool of saturated goo.

Hell, I don’t even like to be in a place that’s more than 70 degrees. Summers are a bitch for me. Don’t expect to see me outside between the months of May and September. The heat and the sun make summer unbearable for me cause I’m basically transparent. #TransparentAmerican

I have a gym membership but I never go. With Ross’ schedule and Scarlett, it’s hard for me to find the time to go to and from the gym, work out, and then shower. I know people that get up at like 4:30 in the godforsaken morning to go workout. I’m not doing that. I’m not capable of doing that. As an example, I once got up out of bed. Got ready to go to the gym. Got dressed. Put shoes on. Then turned right back around and went back to bed. Shoes and all. I know my limitations and getting out of bed to workout is one of them. I love my bed. It’s amazing.

So, here’s my new plan. If I can work out for like 30 minutes every day (I have a wii fitness game that gives me a pretty good cardio boxing workout) either cardio or strength training (I need to get the wii fit board working again – *sigh*) #BatteriesInTooLong, then that will do me a world of good. Right? Please tell me I’m right. I need to hear it to stay motivated. Or else, back to bed for me.

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