Weird Children’s Books

Posted: May 3, 2017 in Uncategorized

So, Scarlett is on a kick with a couple of books that she wants read over and over and over and over… you get the idea. Anyway, the most popular two are Ballet Cat The Totally Secret Secret

518gVkN9VaL._SY344_BO1,204,203,200_

And in the event you want to be totally creeped out, here’s a dramatic reading by some random dude that I found on youtube. You know, just for funsies.

The second book she’s obsessed with is Good Night Little Bear

download

Here is a less creepy reading but a WAY more dramatic reading of this book. I don’t even know why these things are created.

 

Anyway, there are a couple of issues I take with this book.

First, The bear in this book is wearing a smoking jacket. When the hell was the last time you saw anyone wearing a smoking jacket outside of 1915 or Hugh Hefner? And let’s be honest, Hugh Hefner is not a realistic gauge for any form of reality.

Second, the father bear is reaching under the stove to pull out something fluffy, searching for little bear. He pulls out a furry mitten. HE. HAS. PAWS. he doesn’t need a damned FUR covered mitten.

Third, at some point father bear goes outside to look for little bear. Out in the garden,  bunnies in little dresses are foraging through the garden. You’re telling me that this bear family has chocolate cake which means they got the ingredients from somewhere and the bunnies have to forage? What the fuck kinda social system do these animals have set up? Seriously, is it a might makes right type of place and only the bears have a fridge and cake? Or are the bears just sneaking into the homes of unsuspecting chickens and stealing their off spring for the ingredients of their cake? WHAT KIND OF WORLD ARE THEY LIVING IN?

Fourth, there’s a mouse in the woodbox. He jumps out and runs away. The mouse doesn’t have any clothes on and doesn’t appear to be a sentient being? Why can the bears and rabbits talk, and dress, and sew but the mouse is still a regular mouse? THERE ARE NO RULES!

I get it. It’s a children’s book so who cares? I care. I have to read this thing again and again. All I keep thinking about is who did that bear have to kill to get his mittens!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s