Cleaning Woes

Ross has made me schedule cleaning every month. One or two rooms per day for an entire week. A WEEK! This is a horrible development. I hate cleaning, like with a fiery passion.

I think I would rather do anything else. Even pulling out my hair in large chunks sounds more appealing than cleaning. Many of you will say, but Suzanne, it’s not that bad. You are incorrect, Sir or Madam! Cleaning is horrible. HORRIBLE. This is my week of cleaning and I’m incredibly sad about it. I’m shedding actual tears here. No really. I am.

 

Hair Growth

I’m trying to grow my hair out. I think I want it back to my shoulders – anything longer than that and I look like I have straw for hair. It’s not good.

I started using Keranique because I heard that it helps with thin/fine hair and supercharges hair growth. I’ve been using this for about two weeks now and it took me a while to figure out what the products smelled like. Then one morning it hit me. I got a distinct whiff of fetal pigs in formaldehyde. You remember dissecting pigs in anatomy class, right? Yeah, that smell.

Then, after I dry my hair, I put a texturizer on it from Davines. This stuff smells like cake icing. So, just think about that combination of scents. Gross…right? Yeah.

Which One Are You?

I didn’t get a post out on Monday. I was SICK, like watching bad tv and eating nothing but toast sick. I watched a couple of things. Allied was pretty good. From my last post, you know I love WWII melodramas. Brad Pitt though, he is looking deceptively young. His face looks fine but his neck is starting to show weird old man sagging, which honestly, just makes me a little sad.

I watched My Cousin Rachel. Not good. I basically hated all the characters and didn’t honestly care whether she killed the cousin or not. If he acted anything like the lead, then I kinda give her props for doing it.

I also watched Girls Trip, which I had seen before and it was hilarious. Everyone has that one friend that is over the top and says just about anything that comes to mind. I started thinking about all of my friends and where they fit in the group.

There’s the friend that is poised and always has her shit together. There’s the mother of the group who takes care of everyone. There’s the person who makes it or breaks it but does it on her own terms. Then there’s the one that says whatever the hell she wants without fear, defends her friends with a ferocity that might scare people. This is the “Dina” of the group. When I couldn’t find a “Dina”, I realized that it might actually be me. I’m going to be honest with you, I didn’t feel that bad about it either.

Beware, there is some profanity in this clip. Those who know me – or hell, have read this blog at any point – know that profanity is like a second language to me.

Netflix

Here’s the thing, I love all the new content. I really really do. Loved Mindhunters.

 

Loved Altered Carbon.

 

We won’t even talk about Godless again. LOVED IT. But here’s the thing. Sometimes, I just want to watch old movies from the 90’s. Why are those only available through the DVD service. Who the hell still gets dvd’s. Let’s go Netflix, update your streaming library and include bullshit, sappy movies like Shining Through. Yep, that’s right. I said it. SHINING. THROUGH. Sometimes, I just want to watch a 1940’s WWII spy melodrama where Melanie Griffith looked good. What?

 

But nooooo! This is available in dvd only. Come on!?! Who exactly is requesting THAT dvd anyway. Just let me stream it in shame-filled peace.

Shameless Promotion

I’m sponsoring an event and I’m giving you the opportunity to win stuff. It’s very kind of me, I know.
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I’m one of the sponsors of the Night Owl Romance “Spring Fling” Scavenger Hunt.
 
During this event I’m going to help you find some great new books. Make sure to check my featured title out along the way.
 
The grand prize is a $100 Amazon Gift Card. Over $900 in prizes!
 
 
Event Dates: Apr 12 – May 3

Ready Player One

This is going to be a long one, so get ready…

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So, you’ve probably seen a lot of posts about Ready Player One. I didn’t read a whole lot of them because I wanted to draw my own conclusions. I read the book (finished it on Friday) and then saw the movie on Saturday. Now that I’ve had a whole 24 hours to process, there are some . . . things.

The movie, on it’s own, was fun and nostalgic for those of you that grew up in the 80’s and remember all the random crap that you were bombarded with on any given day (hello acid washed jeans, I’m looking in your direction). However, I’m going to say this knowing that this is true 99.9% of the time, the book was better. I know. I know. That’s to be expected. But there are some fundamental issues we need to talk about.

  1. This book was made to be visualized. The pop culture references, music, video games, and movies included in this are all encompassing but you only get a portion. I’m a visual learner so the music references were lost on me, but if I’d heard them, I’d know instantly what was being talked about. Ross, remembers music so some of the film references were lost on him. You see where I’m going with this. Put the entire package together in a visual/auditory medium (aka film or television) and you have the perfect vehicle.

There’s a problem with that though. Two hours isn’t long enough to capture some of the larger themes in the book. Or, really the overall structure which is important but we’ll get to that later.

Themes:

There’s a question, that they really only touched on at the end in the movie of “humanity”. Over the course of the book, you see the slow marginalization of the real world in Wade Watts as he descends into the Oasis for longer and longer periods of time until he’s basically living his whole life in there. He talks about using a solution to remove all his hair (EVERYWHERE) so that his haptic suit will better conform to his body and pick up his movements. These are things you don’t really get from the movie.

There’s also the issue of vulnerability. The Oasis allows people to present themselves in any fashion they wish, any gender, any race, and species. So, there’s always this question of who you’re really talking to and what they look like. There’s safety in the Avatar. The stakes are high for a real life reveal. You could be talking to someone online for years in the avatar of Christie Brinkley and really be an 80 year old Chinese guy from Beijing. There are high stakes in the reveal of acceptance and community. That is lost in the film since the reveal happens much too early and no real uncertainty on anyone’s part.

Structure:

The movie included the competition which was key (pun intended). However, the book is told, very much, like a video game. There are level ups, there are weird diversionary levels that you don’t think mean anything but turn our saving your ass in the long run. There are also, failures. You remember Super Mario Bros. 3 (that’s where my references end, btw, cause that’s about the time I stopped playing video games – don’t judge) on World 8 where you could only see the space around the dot that encompassed you, that took me days to beat without skipping it. Not necessarily where Wade Watts is playing an actual video game but his processes, he does this thing again and again until he figures it out or finds the whistle to go around it. It’s nuanced, but important.

There were no mini-bosses, no real challenges to get the keys. Instead of the competition being the center of the story, defeating IOI became the focus. Which yes, you have the ultimate boss in Nolan Sorento but there are tasks and challenges to defeat before ever reaching the final castle and saving Princess Peach. #SuperMarioBros.3 #You’reWelcome #PrincessPeachForever

Ross’s Problem:

The bit with The Shining. OMG! I’m not sure why – actually I do – this got under his skin but IT DID. Some of the games in Ready Player One are actual movies that the avatar are inserted in and have to recite dialogue and function as the character in the scene. Spielberg didn’t quite do that. What he did was take elements of a movie and use them as one of the castle levels for a key.

Now, The Shining did come out in 1980 – that is true – versus the films actually used in the film (Ferris Bueller’s Day Off {1986} and Monty Python’s Holy Grail {1975}), however, there is something sooooo 70’s about it. #ShelleyDuvall. Also, it seems out of place. The pop culture, the movies, everything in it was funny and light. The Shining….that’s way to dark and really sticks out like a sore thumb in the middle of the movie. It’s…weird.

Again, I don’t want to harp on this too much. I think the movie, as a stand alone, was fun and if I went in there without fore knowledge of the book, I would think differently. But as Ross says, this book was written for me and they fucked it up. Actually, I’m throwing “fucked it up” in there. His words were much nicer but I know that’s what he meant. So, there’s that.

I think this would have made a really good Nexflix limit series. You just can’t do it justice in two hours. Shout out to Columbus Ohio though. #Cbus

 

Highlander

Ross and I were having a conversation about weird, but horrible Sci-Fi movies in the 70’s and 80’s. Highlander happened to come up and as we flipped through the channel guide, guess what happened to be on?  You guessed it. HIGHLANDER!

I have some questions and this is really only a brief dip into the weirdness of this movie.

  1. Why Christopher Lambert?

This clip, which raises more questions, may be the best acting he does in the entire film.

Also, why is he at this wrestling match? They never say!

2. Sean Connery. Why is the only Scot in the movie playing a Spanish Conquistador? Don’t get me wrong, he’s giving it his all, but still. Also, I often wonder if Sean Connery felt ridiculous while working on this movie. Like, JFC, I used to be James Bond! How did I go from Lion in Winter to this?

3. Also, I realize that this is minor, but why does Christopher Lambert wear like 5 coats at all times during the movie? e4448fc71470d862254cfc4ded56db15

I mean, look at this. Not only is he wearing a trench coat with gloves and sneakers (God only knows why) but then, he’s got a leather jacket under the trench! WHY????

4. Why is there a beat cop in the interrogation room? Also, he’s kind of a dick and really just gives cops a bad name.

Honestly, this was as far as we got before I said it was enough and went to sleep. Maybe next time, I’ll get farther and we’ll have more to talk about.

Gifts Galore

Here’s the thing, I’ve got nothing.

#amwriting

Which means busy. Soooo, busy.

Actually, I have 5 and a half hours left to listen to Ready Player One before Ross and I see the movie on Saturday. But also, #amwriting

Here’s a little nugget for all of you, a gift – if you will.

Pool of Crimson will be $.99 beginning on April 14th and running through April 18th of 2018. Tell your friends! Give them as gifts! Buy a second copy because it’s a good deal!

Not Everyone is Meant to Walk in Darkness

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